The Misadventures of Lead Feather “A Maple in the Middle of Mayhem”
Lead Feather had always wanted to be part of something big—like Woodstock, or the Trudeau selfie tour of 2015. So when he saw a TikTok saying the “No Kings” movement was the new Woodstock, he packed his duffle bag with four floral shirts, a bottle of cucumber vodka, and his emotional support poutine fork named “Pierre.”
He flew to Philadelphia, because the revolution needed international representation—and because he misunderstood “No Kings” as a protest against King Charles, not Joe Biden.
When he arrived, the protest was already in full swing: drums pounding, signs waving, people chanting things he didn’t understand like,
“DOWN WITH MONARCHS, UP WITH MARIJUANA!”
Lead Feather enthusiastically joined in, even though he thought a “monarch” was a butterfly.
In an effort to blend in, he borrowed a Sharpie and wrote “NO CROWNS, NO COWS, NO CAPITALISM” on a flattened Amazon box.
Then things got weird.
A masked protester handed him a slingshot and yelled, “We need you at the front line!”
“Front line of what?” Lead Feather asked, nervously adjusting his pride-colored headband.
Before he could finish, someone screamed, “THEY’RE BRINGING IN THE HORSES!”
In a panic, Lead Feather shouted, “NOT THE MOUNTIES!” and launched a tofu hotdog at a riot cop. It bounced harmlessly off the officer’s shin, but it was enough. Suddenly, he was a revolutionary.
He sprinted down the street, Canadian flag cape flapping, screaming,
“I’M HERE TO LIBERATE YOUR FREE HEALTHCARE!”
He tripped over a knocked-over vape kiosk, landed face-first in a melted Ben & Jerry’s pint, and was nearly run over by an electric scooter brigade called Antifa on Wheels.
A CNN reporter approached, shoving a mic in his face.
“Why are you here?”
Lead Feather blinked and said, “To make sure nobody reinstalls the monarchy. Or mandates dairy.”
They aired it live.
Back in Saskatchewan, his friends texted:
“Bro… are you leading a riot in Philly?”
Moral of the Story:
Not everyone chanting “No Kings” knows who the king is—or what the riot is even about. Some of them just followed the algorithm.
— The Iron Quill
The riots represent a classic colour revolution by the Marxists/Globalists. Many, in other countries, ironically, authored by the USA, have caused regime change. That’s the goal: to remove President Trump from power. Thanks Quill.